From the desk of Percival Pine

My archive permissions were changed this morning, which is probably unrelated to the twelve alternate Christmas Eve routes currently sitting on my desk.

Probably.

I’m going to start with Route C.

Good news. I have learned we have an Information Governance department.

Bad news. They have learned we have me.

They would particularly like to know whether I downloaded anything. I would particularly like to know why they asked.

I FOUND SOMETHING.

I was looking for the 2026 Christmas Eve flight schedule today and found one labeled CONTINUITY ROUTE B.

There is no Route A.

Apparently I am not supposed to ask why, so naturally I have asked why. - More soon.

Every Christmas Eve, millions of people track Santa's exact location all night, refreshing every few minutes.

Luckily he has his location services turned on.

People are now paying real money for a ring that knows when they're sleeping and when they're awake.

Santa has offered that service free for centuries. Obviously the reception was different!

Santa has introduced an open-door policy.

After several thousand years of using chimneys.

Santa has asked everyone to be more flexible this year.

The reindeer would like it noted that they already fly.

Santa says he doesn’t judge people.

There are two entire lists.

Santa has asked us to stop referring to December 23rd as “the consequences of everyone’s own decisions.”

Fair enough.

Santa says he doesn’t have favorites.

Rudolph has his own parking space.

Elf Resources has confirmed we are not a hybrid workplace.

Santa works one night a year, from a sleigh.

Rudolph has asked to approve the lighting for the team photo.

I have chosen not to point out the irony.